Month: March 2004

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    Colonoscopy Parties Remove Fear Factor


    By RENEE LEE
    Associated Press Writer






    PLANO, Texas-     When oncology nurse Audrey Thompson invites her friends to a party, she often dares them to bare their bottoms.

    On a recent Saturday, a dozen or so of her co-workers took the challenge. They arrived  to drop their pants - for a colonoscopy.

    Thompson, a self-described health crusader, has organized several parties in the past year, partly for selfish reasons. And, no, it is not to see her friends in uncompromising positions.

    "I hate to say this, but we have so much fun," said Thompson.


     


     

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    Lederhosen Subsidies Axed as Germany Tightens Belt
    		  






     






    BERLIN (Reuters) - Germany can no longer afford state aid to help its yodellers buy Lederhosen, the Bavarian government said Tuesday.






     

    "We no longer want to sponsor the Lederhosen with subsidies," Bavarian Premier Edmund Stoiber said, ignoring outcries from traditional folk groups, some of whom have threatened to boycott the opening parade of the Munich Oktoberfest, the world's biggest beer festival.


    The Alpine state had previously provided the 300,000 members of its folklore groups with half a million euros in state funds to help buy traditional Bavarian attire such as the leather shorts.  


    A good pair of goat suede leather Lederhosen will set you back 149.90 euros ($185).


     

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    Poor Venezuelans catching flamingos for food


    CARACAS, Venezuela (Reuters) -- Poor rural Venezuelans are using nets and hooks slung under kites to catch endangered flamingos to eat or sell their meat as they try to ward off hunger.


    "They tie a net to the tail of a kite and the flamingos fall. It's mostly for food," said Francis Arias, mayor of Acosta. "There are some poor people who hunt them and sell their meat to buy other things. The meat is pretty red. It's not a white meat."


     

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    15 YEARS AGO TODAY



    Mar 24 1989

    Exxon tanker Valdez, piloted by a drunk captain, strikes a well-charted reef at Prince William sound, spilling 11 million gallons of crude oil.


     

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    From nun to prostitute

    An Australian woman who became nun at the age of 18 but went on to spend 20 years working as prostitute has released a book on her life - under the provocative title God's Call Girl.


    "The way I started off was with very high ideals and a great deal of naivety ..."


     

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    Man dies after chicken wing-eating contest
    Last Updated Tue, 23 Mar 2004 19:02:14


    REGINA - Autopsy results are expected this week in the case of a man who died in JD's Cafe and Nightspot after taking part in a spicy chicken wing-eating contest.

    Witnesses said one of the contestants was dragged to the back of the bar. "Everyone thought he was sick or passed out."

    JD's manager called his death "unfortunate."

     

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    Baseball star's tattoos 'putting off players'


    A Major League baseball star has been ordered to cover up his tattoos because of claims they're distracting the opposition.


    Toronto Blue Jays starting pitcher Justin Miller /AP


    Toronto Blue Jays pitcher Justin Miller will have to wear long sleeves from now on, following suggestions that rival hitters are miscuing their shots because of the distinctive artwork.


    More than half of Miller's body is covered in tattoos, many of them in bright colours, although there are no visible designs on the right arm he uses to pitch with.


     

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    40% of Swazis have HIV/Aids


    Lozitha -Stephen Lewis, UN special envoy for HIV and Aids in Africa, told Swazi King Mswati III late on Thursday that "in recent months the kingdom of Swaziland has recorded the highest HIV infection in the whole world with almost 40% (of the total population of 1.1 million) testing positive."


    Lewis said the prevalence rate in countries like Botswana - which at one time had the highest rate of infection - had declined from 38.8% to 37.5%.


     

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    Young men charged in bow and arrow killing of dog


    ROB TUCKER; The News Tribune

    Authorities said Steven L. Paulson and Troy L. Loney roped a dog, probably a Siberian husky, to a tree near Wilkeson Elementary School around 5 p.m. and shot it "numerous times" using a bow and one arrow.


    The two men allegedly would remove the arrow from the dog's body and reuse it to shoot the dog again.



    A witness said the men took turns and shot the dog at least 10 times.



    After the dog died, the men threw its body into Wilkeson Creek.


     

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     Stupid People Stories


    Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets.  

    "We don't have half dozen nuggets", said the teenager at the counter. "You don't?" I replied.

    "We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply. 

    "So I can't order a half-dozen nuggets, but I can order six?"  "That's right."  

    So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.  


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    The paragraph above doesn't amaze me because of what happened couple of months ago.  

    I was checking out at the local Foodland with just a few items and the lady behind me put  her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those "Dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. 

    After the blonde girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "Divider" looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me  "Do you know how much this is?" 

    I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today." She said, "OK" and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue as to what had just happened.....  

     

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    A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. 

    When inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy".... (This is worth *****)  

     

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    I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need some help? " I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker.  Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenient store) would have a battery to fit this?"  "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm too?" I asked. 

    "No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about batteries it's a long walk".  

     

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    Several years ago, we had an Intern who was non too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?"  

    "Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies. (A classic)  

     

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    I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed into the garage. 

    The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister". 

    I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the "cruise control"  and then went in the back to make a sandwich.  (I smell a future Darwin Award here.)  

     

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    IDIOTS ? COMPUTERS My neighbour works in the operations department in the central office  of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. 

    One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question:  "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?" 

     

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    IDIOTS ARE EASY TO PLEASE  -  I was sitting in my science class, when the teacher commented that the 

    next day would be the shortest day of the year. My lab partner became visibly excited until the teacher 

    explained that daylight changes, not the actual amount of time. Needless to say, she was very disappointed.  

     

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    Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a Metal colander on his head  and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine.The message "He's lying" was placed in the  copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth.   Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.

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    From Jealousy


     

dingus5

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