
YOU DON'T WANT TO LIVE THERE
The modern era of totalitarianism in Paraguay got under way in 1814 with the rule of President Dr. Gaspar Rodriguez Francia, an ascetic, paranoid meglomaniac who liked to be known as El Supremo. Francia turned the country into a police state: he closed the borders, shot all the dogs, founded the secret service and insisted that people salute him by doffing their hats, including otherwise naked Indians who were forced to carry little hatless brims specifically for that purpose.
When his sister married without his consent, he executed her, her husband and the priest who married them. He died in 1840 in a thunderstorm during a fit of apoplexy and was promptly dismembered and fed to alligators.

Francia was followed by the spectacularly nasty Lopez dynasty, which culminated in the rule of Francisco Solano Lopez, a bloated, debauched, self-styled Napoleon who, egged on by Eliza Lynch, his irrepressibly corrupt Irish doxy, declared war simultaneously on Brazil, Uruguay and Argentina.
By the time the fighting was over, 90 percent of the male population was dead.
The Paraguayans displayed a suicidal bravery to the end, and a macabre sense of humor. ("If a Paraguayan in the midst of his comrades was blown to pieces by a shell, " one observer wrote, "they would yell with delight, thinking it a capital joke, in which they would have been joined by the victim himself had he been capable.")

Lopez was finally bayoneted in a bog and then raised to the status of national hero by another strongman, Alfredo Stroessner, child molester, torturer and architect of the dictatorship that made Paraguay a home away from home for the likes of Josef Mengele.
-Ben Macintyre, The New York Times Book Review, 2/29/04
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